He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
