I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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