that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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