i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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