I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need a burrito and a hug.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
