so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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