Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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