I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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