I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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