hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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