12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
