Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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