dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
