I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
