smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
