and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize