i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
