Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
