Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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