I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
