seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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