don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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