This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
