He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
