Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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