she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
