Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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