we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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