Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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