I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
