Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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