and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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