i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
