you have to choose: penises or morals?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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