I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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