Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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