If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
