so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize