so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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