he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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