I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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