the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
