I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
