Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
