Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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