I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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