that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
a search helicopter?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
