so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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