I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i've created a new STD.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
