If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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