The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
