The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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