I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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