Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
