help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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