Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
