WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
