This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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