I'm jealous of your bromance
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
