hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
