I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
