his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
