they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
