if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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