I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
