Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I could fuck to npr.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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