It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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