mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
