my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
