Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
