Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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